When you sweat from your butt, your body is telling you something: You need to cool down. Swamp crotch is basically your body’s way of trying to cool itself down (so is sweating in general); however, because you sit and fester in the swamp crotch, this form of cooling is anything but cool.
And while “monkey butt” can happen year round, it’s especially problematic in summer, when the temps are high all season long. But fret not: You can do a few simple things to ensure that swamp crotch doesn’t plague you this summer, or any time of year. In no particular order, here are the best ways to prevent swamp crotch.
1. Wear moisture-wicking underwear
The material of your underwear is a big component of how much your butt can “breathe,” especially when it’s buried inside your pants all day at work. (It’s a different scenario when you’re out on the beach, because you can wear clothes more breezy for the occasion).
The best materials for your undies, then, in terms of taking the moisture from your skin and pushing it through the fabric (where it can better evaporate into the ether) are: Polyester, polypropylene, nylon, wool, merino wool, and bamboo. (Saxx is a good place to look for comfortable, form-fit, breathable, moisture-wicking underwear).
2. And breathable pants
While you aren’t likely to wear nylon pants to the office, you can at least do yourself a favor and avoid denim. Focus on the above synthetic, breathable materials to prevent a big soggy swass (well, or wool, which is probably better suited to winter). Uniqlo’s Smart Ankle Pants are a good example of a 100% polyester pant that looks sharp but saves your ass—literally.
3. Check your seat
Are you sitting on leather? Or maybe a slab of wood? Consider the material your chair is made of, and then consider swapping it for something more breathable. For example, office chairs these days often come with “ventilated” seat backs and tiny punctured cushions that help facilitate airflow—sparing you from leaving any embarrassing sweat marks on your seat, as well as from festering in it all the while.
4. Use powders and creams
One of the best ways to prevent moisture accumulation is with moisture-absorbing powders and creams. You can apply these anywhere you perspire (they even have powder-based creams specifically made to prevent forehead shine), but they are most miraculous when applied around your junk and bum.
Choose something with a tapioca or corn-starch base—since talc powders, although more or less safe these days, still have a bad rap because talc in its pure form can contain asbestos. So, to play it safe, choose something like Happy Nuts Comfort Cream or Hiki Body Powder for this task.
5. Stand up and take a walk
One of the best ways to stay ventilated is to be the breeze yourself. Simply standing up and moving around the office (or even outside, if it’s not sweltering) is a fast way to cool down. Don’t get your heart rate up, though; this isn’t an Olympic-paced walk we’re talking about. Keep a breezy pace, even if it’s for a lap to the kitchen and back.
6. Point a fan at yourself
Even in an air-conditioned environment, the sweatiest among us still experience swamp ass. If you can manage a small fan at the side of your desk (assuming it doesn’t bother your nearby colleagues), then point it at a low setting directly at yourself. It’s all about ventilation!
7. Drink cold water (and definitely not hot coffee)
One mistake many of us make is sitting down to work and instantly guzzling a hot tea or coffee. That beverage will do few favors when it comes to cooling down the body—not to mention, caffeine also dehydrates the body, which only worsens the self-cooling functions.
So, if you must have a hot coffee, do so well before you leave the house, or well before you park yourself in a seat. That being said, stay hydrated with cool water all day long, to keep your body as regulated as possible. And when we say regulated, we don’t just mean body temp: The regular visits to the restroom are an added bonus for self ventilation. See the strategy coming full-force into play?
8. Exercise later in the day
If you get your heart rate up early in the day, it could take an hour or few to come back down, especially if you follow it with a shower and then enter a poorly ventilated office. If you can manage, try to save your exercises for blocks of time where you can be on your feet after the workout, or at least get yourself home—to avoid having to wear poorly ventilated pants, and where you can modify your environment to your needs and likes.
In short, just be strategic about when you get your blood pumping, and how soon you’ll be parked in a seat thereafter.
Photos via Brands