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Apple coughs up $500 mil for doing evil capitalist shit again

Hush money.

words by: Jacob Seferian
Mar 5, 2020

You’ve probably noticed that after awhile – usually around the time that latest model is dropping – your iPhone begins to act up. Slower loading times, apps randomly closing, battery not retaining charge… turns out it’s less of a widespread coincidence and more of a deliberate money grab.

 

Apple will pay up to $500 million to settle a class-action lawsuit alleging that the company knowingly slows down their products to incite owners to buy new iPhones.

 

The case was filed in California, and while the tech giant denies this, they’ve nonetheless agreed to settle “to avoid the burdens and costs of litigation.” The settlement stipulates that Apple must pay consumers $25 per iPhone, with a minimum payout of $310 million. This settlement covers U.S. owners of the iPhone 6, 6 Plus, 6s, 6s Plus, 7, 7Plus or SE that ran the iOS 10.2.1 or later operating system, according to CNBC.

 

That’s an awful lot of hush money.

 

So you’re not crazy, Apple is likely building our phones to break from within whenever the newest model is set to release. A sus but not entirely surprising marketing tactic coming from the same company whose misdeeds range from using over-aggressive copyright measures to child labor.  But the darkest bit of all? This new info won’t change anything. This is Apple’s world and we’re just living in it.

 

See you in line for the iPhone 12.