Whatever version of hot boy or hot girl summer you subscribe to, it’s high time to be dating right now. Summer is filled with outdoor events, weddings, birthdays, holidays, and everything in between. It’s a great time to date, or be carefree. Maybe you’ve signed yourself up on a couple of dating apps, are finally giving the one that’s been chasing you for years a chance, or taking blind date set-ups from coworkers and family. If you find yourself in one of these categories, you are probably also aware that you must have tough skin when it comes to dating.

Of course, for a variety of reasons — be it attraction, personality traits, schedule conflict, or what have you — when you start dating, you risk the chance of your match not feeling as strongly about you. Now, in a perfect world, the person would have the decency and respect to let you know if they were no longer into you and potentially give you a reason. But as you know, this isn’t a perfect world, and sometimes you don’t get anything.

I find that in New York City, and big cities in general, people cycle through dates like M&Ms. Because these cities have densely populated areas, I think people believe that if there is one thing slightly or even remotely wrong with their current date, they drop them — following the famous catchphrase: “There are other fish in the sea.”

So if someone you are into doesn’t respond after the first date or worse, stops writing you after several, how do you know if they are ghosting you because they are looking to avoid you or leaving you on read because they simply lost interest? Granted, both of these scenarios aren’t pleasant, you might as well know the root cause of their betrayal.

Sadly, the answer is not as black and white. And “it depends” is all I can really offer you. In order to find out, you’d really have to ask the person and, well, hope they respond. But if it gives you any solace, you should take their route and stick to the “other fish in the sea” mentality.

Because here is the truth: If the person doesn’t have the time or interest to get to know you past date one, or respond to you after 3 months of dating — they are not the right person for you. Easier said than believing it of course, but that is the truth. As frustrating or anxiety driven it can be, the moment you believe you are being ghosted or left on read without understanding, just let it be.

Take a look at these dating apps that have anti-ghosting features to avoid being left on read.

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