Living, Opinions

What the books you (still) have say about you

How many do you have?

words by: Team ULTRA
Jan 29, 2020

We should start off by saying big ups if you own any books, as electric reading services like the Kindle threaten to make the experience of holding a hardback extinct. However, the titles you have sitting on your shelf (or floor, we don’t know your style) say a lot about you.


“The Catcher in the Rye” by J. D. Salinger 

If this “classic” is still up on your bookshelf, then you better start purging. There is no excuse to be reading this book after your teens. We can recommend some bookshops that would maybe accept it as a donation – but you might just have to trash it


“The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald

You are definitely cool, and have a good amount of classy friends. You’re always trying new and exciting things and are generally an energetic and fun person to be around. But best of all, you have an incredibly forward and innovative sense of style. Please tell us more about how you manage to always look so well put together!


“Fifty Shades of Grey” by E. L. James

You probably think you’re kinky, but having Shades of Grey on your bookshelf is just basic. 


“War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy

You’re faking it. No one has actually read this book. Over a thousand pages? If this is on your shelf you’re trying to signal something – our guess is patience.


The “Harry Potter” series by J.K. Rowling

We can’t fault you for this one – while it’s technically a novel for kids and teens, its multi-generational appeal is undeniable. The real question is… which one is it? The whole series borders on overkill. “The Philosopher’s Stone” probably means you’re nostalgic – while “Prisoner of Azkiban” is a quirky choice. As long as it’s not “Goblet of Fire” where Harry is a teen; too much bitching! Although, if author J.K. Rowling keeps this problematic streak up, you might have to trash all the books.


“Moby Dick” by Herman Melville

This classic is a classic for a reason, but if you’re not going to read it, don’t put it on your bookshelf. We all have books that we pretend we’ve read, and that’s just fine — but maybe it’s time to start at least opening them. 


“The Secret” by Rhonda Bryne

Major red flag.


“Just Kids” by Patti Smith

You’re an artsy type who probably says things like “Art is dead.” Jokes aside, the punk poet’s memoir is beautifully written – we don’t blame you.


“Twilight” by Stephenie Meyer

We can’t even. It’s 2020, and the 2008 bestseller should not be there anymore. We get it, it was charming at the time, but we’re over it. 


“The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka

This one is definitely telling of the kind of person you are: intrigued, curious, a little mysterious, and love to talk for hours about anything from aliens to the current political climate. This one will live on the shelf for a while.